Hello one and all… hope all of yous are doing dandy.. I’m pretty good, thank you for asking! Out of all the months I’ve been doing this, this weeks singles are probably THE MOST annoying of the year. Starting off with Jordin “don’t touch my cooch” Sparks with her single “One Step At A Time” to Robyn’s “new” track with Christian Falk “Dream On” there is a lil’ sumfin’ for everyone. Now, Let’s get it started!
Innocent & Boring.
I’m not quite sure if you know who Jordin Sparks is.. I’m guessing she is more popular in the U.S given that she was on the 65th season of American Idol. I don’t know if she won, if she lost but anyway who cares, lets talk about the song at hand.
The song is typical generic pop crap, yes, once you hear the title of the song you pretty much know what it’s all about, taking things ‘slow”, not “rushing” into things and taking things “One Step At a Time”, do you see how that ties in all together soooo nicely.. The video is an even bigger barf fest with images of young kids “taking it slow”. From the video you would think that Jordin is living in the 50′s, where everything is bright, sunny, everyone is nice, drinks lemonade and thinks that what’s on the inside is what really matters… ugggh! ENOUGH! I like pop music but even this shit is a too sugary for me….Let’s hope she falls in love with some biker dude shaves her hair off and has 3 kids out of wed lock (!) Maybe maybe, then Miss. Sparks will have something interesting to sing about. Oh the horrors, I speak!
My Rating: 5 hours with Miss. Sparks talking about “Promise Rings” over a glass of lemonade made by Bobby Sue.
Bitch With a Microphone.
And things just get worse before the get any better. I’m very sure that it’s quite easy to hate on Miley Cyrus, after all she ‘s not even 18, she has more money than most African countries and she is always “all smiles”.
But she is just one of the many faces Disney has churned out over the years. First, we are lead to believe they are oh so innocent and pure and then the next thing you know there are pictures of them all over the internet with their finger in their cooter or vomiting into a cooler…ahhh yes, good ole’ Disney.
I’m not gonna hate, but I will say that “Fly On The Wall” is probably the worst song I’ve heard this year. I mean from the beginning you KNOW it’s gonna be a bratty-Avril-esque affair. Miley here sings about if her guy only knew what she talks about with her friends he would know how to act so……… wouldn’t he like to be a fly on the wall….
Hmm.. no Miley maybe not a fly on the wall but if he has to put up with your snotty ass it would be more like tied up, shot and dead on a wall….There! Now THAT would make for an interesting song.
My Rating: 5 hours of having to babysit this BRAT.
Sober?REALLY?
After the terrible “So What?” P!nk offers her 2nd single from “Funhouse” the song “Sober”. Now, even though I think she should return a bit more to her R&b roots, this song is a very catchy and quite good. The only thing that I would say is that this song sounds as though it could have come from any of her previous 4 albums…No innovation here.. It’s P!nk playing it safe. Which she rarely does. I really used to love P!nk but she just got a bit too rock for my taste and keeps on singing about how much of a bad ass she is. Here, her lyrics are different and I think that is why I like this song.
The other thing that sounds good is her voice. There is a real raw emotion to P!nks voice that I LOVE. All in all a solid effort and if the original version is a bit too rockish then the remixes (especially the Bimbo Jones Radio Remix) should satisfy you very much.
My Rating: 3 and a half happy Gay monkeys.
Insomnia? I can see why...
Oh Lord, where did Craig David go wrong? His last 2 albums haven’t been that good and this has left David a bit desperate for a hit and nowhere is his desperation more evident than on his new single “Insomnia” off his Greatest Hits CD.
The beginning of the song sounds EXACTLY like Chris Brown’s “Closer” and from then on things don’t change very much. It’s just so sad cos there was a time when Craig would do his own thing (still R&b-ish ) and release consistently strong singles but with this it just seems that he has run out of ideas and now just blatantly COPYING a sound in order to stay relevant. He hasn’t even bothered to make the sound his own… lazy and just wrong.
The video is really where you can tell that he is just going through the motions. It doesn’t even look like him anymore and I used to be IN LOVE with this guy, so sexy and yummy. Now he just looks washed out and old.
I truly hope that the next time we hear Craig we will hear something fresh & new from him because this is just a stinker.
P.S
Craig Seems to be a lot beefier now than in his early years.. Now, I may be wrong but maybe taking your shirt off and showing some man nips would get the public’s interest again? Or at least the gays, but lets face it we ARE the most loyal fans if you strip for us… Oh… Us Gays!
My Rating: 4 very sad straight monkeys
Single Of The Week:
Robyn-"Dream On"
This really has been Robyn’s year. No one in the pop scene has released such diverse and interesting music this year, and it seems as though Robyn has done it again with this new-ish single “Dream On”.
Truth be told this isn’t that new, it was released in 2006 in Sweden and is just now being released in the U.K, and in reality it’s Christian Falks tune which just features Robyn, but since we don’t know who the fuck he is we’ll just give ALL the credit to Robyn… isn’t that nice of me?
While the song is a bit creepy, that’s what makes it sound so good. Robyn brings something really special to whatever she does. I truly believe that she is the REAL DEAL. The 1st verse of the song she sounds so vulnerable yet strong it’s really what makes the song: HER VOICE.
I hope Robyn decides to get her ass in the studio to record a new album soon because this Pop world really needs her to keep on going and to save us all from the likes of Jordin “don’t touch my cooch” Sparks and Miley Cyrus. Nuff said. Enjoy the video!
