Good fucking lord where do I begin? Well, I’ll try to stick to some facts embellished with experiences of what makes me, well… ME. I was born in Rancauga, Chile in a rather “ghetto” area of the city “La Santa Juila” Yes, I know how very J.Lo of me, coming from the hood but seriously my past-time consisted of making mud-pies with my then fag-hag cousin Paula.
Yes, it was quite a glamorous start to my life. I was gay from the moment I opened my eyes. Everything I did screamed: “Future cock-sucker” and of course my father didn’t like it one bit and oldest cliche in the book my dad pretty much despised that I was gay and didn’t hide the fact that he didn’t approve. This is when, I think I started to divide myself into 2 realities: what was “really going on” and my “fantasy world” where everything was wonderful, beautiful and I was the most popular boy at home, in school wherever I went.
I was always very musical even when I was 5 years old my mom would make me sing songs like “The Sweetest Thing (I’ve Ever Known)” by Juice Newton, Dolly and Donna, so as you can clearly see, my mother had very little to do with me being a raging homosexual! Things never really got better at home and I was always the outcast, the weird-o, so I really turned to music to escape and again live a bit in my happy world. I got into singing in choir and I discovered that I was actually good at something. I can sing! I was so happy to know that I too had a talent and I wanted to share this with ANYONE who would give me the time of day.
So, this is when I started to take singing seriously and tried to spend all my time thinking about music recording my own home-made tapes and then sending them over to my cousins in California who had to put up with my queeny demands of reviewing my “albums” track my track. Yes, I was a pushy 13 year old. My first year of high school was probably the worst year of my life. I was teased and teased all throughout the year. But looking back I think, Jesus I had a lot of personality cos I was a stick figure with a “bob huuur don’t” and eyebrows that would put the queeniest of drag queens to shame. I was just me. That year really taught me I had to be tough on the outside and mask everything by being the “funny” one or the “crazy” gay in order to just survive. I am thankful for that now cos I am one stone cold bitch. Nothing phases me.
Things got worse with my parents (esp. with my Dad) and this “private world” I talked about had morphed into journals. I would write everything down that I felt and it was my way of dealing with the “real world.” I never expected anyone to read them but alas my parents did and well… all hell broke loose. Looking back I think to myself how the fuck did I ever manage to make it through. I just did. Of course it’s time to bring out the cliche book, my parents took me to a “Christian Counselor” which made things all the worse and when that didn’t work and she couldn’t “Christin-ize” the gay outta me well, my parents took me to a priest to see if I was possessed by some gaydemon. (Funnily enough, I now work for Gaydemon, so in some bizzaro-way my parents were always right!)
Before things got better they just got even worse. I lied about things that I shouldn’t have lied about. Hurt people I shouldn’t have hurt and I think that at one point I really didn’t think there was any reason for carrying on with life. I don’t want this to sound like all “woe is me” kinda thing. This is just how things happened for me and how I felt at the time. Cousins, friends and music got me through this time. They all gave me energy, love and support. The story is soo much longer but for the sake of keeping this readable, if you wanna know more then you’re gonna have to buy me a fucking drink!
So, fast forward some very important years and I am now living in the greatest city in the world: London. I have no ties to England or even Europe but I have never felt so at home in any other part of the world than I do here. Of course, in the beginning my life was very “Billie” from “Glitter” but in the 4 years I have been here, I have gotten myself pretty sorted. I have met some incredible people that I am truly blessed to have in my life. I am also very happy to that some VERY important people from my past (You know who you are!!) are also in London and I think that makes me one of the luckiest gays ever. I still make mistakes and I am always taking risks, doing new things, meeting people and just living my life as much as I can.
Nothing is perfect and I am not going to wrap this story up with some witty ending or anything annoyingly chiper cos that just ain’t me. I am still writing my story as I type these words. For this moment and in this time, I know that is is exactly where I need to be and I am happy that you have taken the time to read this and find out a bit about how you and I connect in the greater scheme of things.