Whitney, Whitney, Whitney. Oh what can we say about Whitters that hasn’t already be said. Yes, she is crazy, yes, she had a drug problem and yes, she made some of the best pop music ever!She has had her share of diva moments and let’s face it, you do not want to get on her bad side cos she will read you and tell you more than a couple truth about yourself!

In 2009 Whitney herself made strong comeback sadly her voice decided to stay in bed and there were bad performances left and right. Her album “I Look To You” wasn’t a complete disaster but it didn’t quite put her back where she wanted to be due to the fact that her voice just wasn’t there.

But back in 1999 Whitney did have the lungs but then again her private life was hell, so go figure. That magical year Whitney released the single “It’s not Right, But It’s Okay” and the song was an instant smash. But the song proved to be an even bigger hit on the dance floors where the “Thunderpuss Remix” ruled supreme on almost every dance floor chart it entered. It truly was a magical moment for Whitters and of course for every disco dancing fag out there in the world too. So lets take a look at Whitney at her clubby best!

Enjoy!

Click here to view the embedded video.

2009! What a year this has been! From great music to more crap churned out by the X-factor(y). This year has had it’s highs, lows and then all out shit stinkers! First, I’ll take a look at my top  singles of the year. Songs that made me want to shake my booty, songs with killer remixes and viz-ilicious videos!

This is part 1, then on Part 2 I’ll be taking a look at the worst of the worst. The kind of music that made you want to cover your ears and beg Jesus for mercy! So, if you wanna know what was good in 09, let this list be your guide!

Whitney Houston – “Million Dollar Bill” (Freemasons Remix)

This year Whitney has been on the comeback trail and boy did she ever come back! Now, I will say that most of her T.V appearances have been quite “off.” ( A special mention goes to the train wreck that was the X-factor performance!) But she has delivered one a-maizng song and seriously that’s  pretty much all we can ask for from Ms. Houston at the moment. The original version of this song was a bit “blah” and it had a retro-feel that did not catch on, but as soon as the Freemasons got a hold of this jam, they turned it into pure dance floor gold! The song rocketed to no.5 on the UK charts giving her her first UK top 5 single in over 12,000 years! Ultra-GLAM!

Ke$ha -”Tik Tok (Fred Falke Remix Radio)”

When I first heard this song back in June, I just thought to myself I have to play this at my friends Summer B-day party. NO ONE knew the song but as soon as it came on the gays at the fiesta were t-workin’ to this as if it were Madonna’s latest tune. I LOVED this song from the first listen. Not only does Ke$ha have loads of slutty-I-don’t-give-a-fuck attitude, but she also looks like she’d be a hoot to party with! I mean, you just gotta love a girl with a $ sign in her name! Don’t half step on this bitch!

Last year I predicted that the entire world would know Lady Gaga’s name and this year I predict that 2010 will be covered with Ke$ha’s whore-ish ways! Have a listen at this kick ass remix of the song!

Electrik Red – “Friend Lover”

This has been my jam for quite some time now. I just love that these ladies sing about calling up a guy to go over to her house, fuck her and then just leave! From the front, from the back! With lyrics like that is there any reason NOT to include this song on any “best of” list? The song is fun, and has an ultra skanky beat that will make even the worst of the worst get their freak on! Check these girls out cos they mean business and this tune is for all those out there that just want the pleasure of gettin’ alil’ sumthin’, sumthin’ and NONE of the drama!!!

Annie – “Anthonio (Original Version)”

Probably one of  the biggest tunes of the year BUT about 200 people heard it. I don’t know why the world won’t cut it’s shit out and just make Annie the superstar she deserves to be! I mean, she has has so many brilliant singles and none of them really have come through for her. It’s not because of the quality, that’s fo’sho! “Anthonio” is an A-mazing tune that has an stomping electro feel to it and the lyrics are actually quite sad. How anyone can make a tale about getting it on with a Brazilian and then him ignoring her, not knowing  who she is after sexy times, and then having his baby, into a dance track really does deserve to RULE the pop world as far as I’m concerned.

Janet Jackson – “Make Me”

This is one of those classic-feel-good Janet songs that is just always more than a pleasure to dance your ass off to. It’s vintage Janet and she keeps her “moist pussy” ramblings in check. After boring us with her over active vagina songs, Janet finally stuck a dildo in and made something fans have been asking her to do ever since “All For You,”: A Great Pop Song! This also deserved to be a no.1 smash, sadly it wasn’t. But you should def give this track a play, your booty will thank ya for it!

Frankmuisk – “Gotta Boyfriend?”

Frankmusik made a huge splash this year releasing his debut album and I even had the pleasure of reviewing his gig at G-A-Y for QX magazine. It was pretty amazing,  just like his song “Gotta Boyfriend?” That for me is the best song on the album and should totally be released as a single cos it kinda toys with the Gays! How very universal. I adore the urgency of the beat! I’m also diggin’ his voice. Very sexy and let’s face it that’s not something a male British Pop singer is known to be! YUMMY!

Britney Spears – “3 (Disco Tech Radio Edit)”

Yes, Britney was everywhere in 09 and it was a pretty good year for her. (Although it was a horrible year for her hair! I mean sort it out already!) Luckily for us she released one of her best songs “3.” Many people thought that it was another attempt to get some attention by recording a song about having a 3some. Personally, I think Britters is a freak and if she wants to go around sleeping with 2, 3, 4 or 1,000 menz, I really couldn’t care less. But Britters just be safe, don’t be silly and put a condom on those willies! Love this song and the remixes are ACE!

David Guetta Feat. Kelly Rowland – “When Love Takes Over (Electro Radio Edit)”

A collaboration between David Guetta and Kelly Rowland is just pure heaven and it was about time that she recorded a song that was just an all-out dance tune! She can belt it out like the best of the disco divas and the song is just so fucking catchy! This is truly one of my Summer 09 anthems and I am sure that it was the song of the Summer, not just for my Gay ass! Not only do I adore this track but I also love me some Kelly! She just seems so down to earth compared to that slag, SASHA FIERCE! Hope to hear A LOT more of Ms.Kelly in 2010!

La Roux – “Bulletproof”

La Roux’s first song “In For The Kill” was a brilliant track although a tad annoying but it was fresh and was retro without sounding dated. The 2nd single “Bulletproof” made me LOVE this fiery minx. This is just a gem of a song! She’s singing with so much attitude for a white girl! You can almost hear her snapping her fingers in the background rolling her eyes that warn “don’t fuck wit me muthafucka!” This is the break-though group for 09 with an outstanding track!

Freemasons Feat. Sophie – “Heartbreak (Make Me A Dancer) (Angger Dimas Remix)”

One of the best things about this past summer, was the fact that DANCE music was everywhere and so was this tune by the Freemasons and my beloved lil’ posh bitch, Brit Sophie Ellis-Bextor. I simply adore anything this woman does, just because she looks so fucking classy when she’s doin’ her thing. I love her accent (which some may find annoying) but there’s just something about her style and her persona that is somewhat of a mystery. How I love a mysterious bitch! They are the best kind you know! “Heartbreak (Make Me A Dancer)” was a floor filler and the video really brought it all together! I want more of Sophie and the Freemasons. This Gay demands it!

Spinin'!

This week we have a HUGE remix from none other than Whitney Houston and La Roux’s new single gets the royal treatment.

Brilliant.

Whitney’s comeback (that word again!) single “Million Dollar Bill” in it’s original form it quite boring and it showcases her vocal flaws and puts them front and center. Masters of the remixes, The Freemasons have taken this lackluster song and have re-worked the shit out of it and delivered a remix that is right up there with “It’s Not Right, But It’s O.k” (Thunderpuss Remix).

Seriously this remix is one of the best of the year! Check it out!

Whitney Houston – “Million Dollar Bill” (Freemasons Remix)

WTF?

La Roux has a stinky attitude always blabbing on about how their sound is like nothing out there and how unique they are.. and all that. But you know what she is kind of right about some of the things she yaps on about. They are very good and even though they do sound very 80′s they make it sound fresh and new. Nowhere is this more apparent than on their new single “I’m Not Your Toy.”

The song is one of the best on the album and the Jack Beats remix is just brilliant! I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this so much more than the original! OOOPS! Enjoy peeps!

La Roux – “I’m Not Your Toy (Jack Beats Remix)”

2 Dolla.

So, yes Whitney is back and it looks like the entire WORLD was pulling for the old lass as “I Look To You” is set to debut at No.1 on almost every important chart around the world, with very little promo.

It really is too bad that “Million Dollar Bill” had to be the 1st single cos it really is quite a dud. It’s not bad but it’s just not very modern sounding. Whitney sounds great and breezy. The production sounds dated BUT there are already a few remixes of the song floating around the web that are just amazing.

I really think that the Freemasons remix should have been released and then it would have been a completely different story. It really does pick up the song and turns it into a fire-crotch anthem! But enough about that! I’ll feature the song on “Remix This! Bitch!”

I would be surprised if this song doesn’t storm up the charts but thank goodness there are better songs on her album and hopefully “A Song For You” will be a single, cos that song is EPIC!

My Rating: 2 disc-dancing vaginas.

Sexy.

“Boys & Girls” is Pixie Lott’s 2nd single and the song is a funky slice of feisty slut-pop. The fact that it sounds a bit like a Sugababe’s castaway doesn’t really matter cos Pixie manages to stamp the song with her own brand of sass.

Like I have already said before I really like Pixie and I hope that her album is as good as her first 2 singles. Judging by the quality of them both, my expectations are pretty high but I’m also very sure this minx will deliver.

My only complaint about the song is the fact that she has to include spoken bits. They are just sooo annoying! No body wants to hear “and-a 1 and-2″ PLEASE, spare us! We can all count, Pixie thank you very much.

Other than that, this song is pretty much perfect and I’m very excited for her album “Turn It Up” which hits stores next week here in the U.K.

My rating: 3 and a half rock-hard-cocks.

P-U

Jordin Sparks is VERY annoying with all her bible-thumpping, promise ring wearing shit. I put all of this aside and listened to her 2nd single “S.O.S (Let The Music Play)” with an open mind.

Sadly (for me) I had to sit through 3 minutes of torture as our little Miss. Jordin totally destroyed Shannon’s club classic hit “Let The Music Play.” To say that Jordin’s song is a bad really is an understatement.

There is not an ounce of originality, nothing fresh about this stinker. I hate these remakes cos they just emphasize how a-mazing the original was and they leave you wondering: “Why the hell am I not just listening to the original, instead of this load of old shit?”

Jordin tries to add her once of 80′s neon-lovin’-funk but falls flat on her Jesus lovin’ ass and delivers a song that even “the lord” would frown upon.

My Rating: 5 dried up, “Love Don’t Live Here Anymore,” tumbleweed vaginas.

Single Of The Week:

Get Shaky, Bitch!

American DJ Ian Carey has been around for over 15 years and he has been keeping clubs around the world jumpin’ and pumpin’ with hits like “Rise” and “Lose Control.” Now he is on the U.K charts with this club-stomper “Get Shaky” that boasts over 10 remixes to keep EVERY single person happy on the dance floor.

This song has been around since last year but has just now stormed the charts and has so far peaked at no.9. If you feel you need a quick pick me up before you go out to get you in that party-dancin’, cock-sukin’ mood then this song is an absolute must! Seriously, play this song and you’ll be out there whoring yourself out to the world in NO time!

The Ian Carey Project – “Get Shaky – (original radio edit)”

Looking Good, Feeling Gorgeous.

Whitney Houston has given us some of the best pop songs in music history and her vocal stylings are legendary. There is not one pop singer out there that can deny that Whitney has had some sort of impact on the way they sing. From Mariah to Christina, her influence is more than evident.

Whitney’s “comeback” album “I Look To You,” is finally out and of course as soon as I saw it, I bought it faster than you can say “sucky, fuckie, 2 dolla.” Now, I had heard comments about how weak her voice sounds and from the leaked songs (“I didn’t Know My Own Strength” & “Million Dollar Bill”) it was more than evident that something had changed.

After giving the entire album various listens, I have come to some conclusions. To begin with let’s just start off by saying that the past 7 or 8 years for Whitney have been… well… shit. Her marriage with Bobby Brown was in the pooper, she was a crack head, then came the ill-advised “reality’ show and that interview with Diane Sawyer, seriously the woman WAS NOT having a good time. The fact that she got her shit together and put out an album at all is merit enough in my book cos people can judge and say what they want but kicking any habit is hard enough but kicking your has-been husband to the curb, kicking a drug addiction, raising kids AND recording an album is something that most people would never be able to do… but then again most people ARE NOT Whitney Houston.

Her voice has changed, there is no doubt about that, it’s matured and it has a certain husky quality that it never had before. Her voice now tells a story of a woman that has gone through it all and come out on top, stronger and and wiser from her experiences. This gives each and every song she sings a new dimension. However, this does not mean that ALL the songs are successful at showcasing Whitney’s “new” voice to it’s full potential.

Just... Whitney.

The album’s opener “Million Dollar Bill” has a retro sound that doesn’t sound the way it was intended, it just sounds dated. Whitney sounds more in control when she sings about pain, no regrets and haters. Songs like “Nothing But Love,” “I Got You” and the disco-stomping-extravaganza that is “A Song For You” show us all that Whitney is serious about her love and commitment to music no matter what life hands her.

Then there are the songs like “I Didn’t Know My Own Strength” and the centerpiece “I Look To You” that try to recapture Whitney’s vocal golden era and it’s on these where it is painfully obvious that she can no longer pull off these kind of songs anymore.  Before her shiny vocals could take any crap song and turn it into gold but now her husky, lower growl just make these songs a snooze to listen to cos they do not suit her voice anymore.

So it’s just a matter of Whitney growing into her own voice and picking the right material to get the most out of the way she sounds NOW.  The entire album may not be the complete and utter masterpiece that most were expecting but it’s by no means a dud. If anything it just proves that no matter what, you just can’t keep and good bitch down.

Welcome back, Whitney.